back from Bandung

it was all in all a very weird experience.
i had dreams that made me reflect and ponder.
I dreamt about the most out of place people.

and these dreams were in correspondence to the things I came into contact to. or in some instances the person that Ive come into contact with.

the appalling and scary thing was, i realised that the people that i dreamt off were the people i was really afraid of losing.

and the person that i dreamt most was..my mum.
i never had the opportunity nor the time to take a really good look at my mum these few years.
I always made it a point to avoid her, it was instinct i guess.
this trip allowed me a few good hours to stare at her closely.
On our way back, i sat next to her in the plane
and whilst she was sleeping,
i was observing her hands and her face.
i realised that her hands were getting more wrinkly and her face had more wrinkle lines.
i could see laugh lines being etched along her cheekbones.
and age was getting to her as i was growing older.

i was so caught up with getting older,
that i failed to notice her getting older.
and all of sudden, whilst seeing her sleeping.
i had this strong urge to throw myself at her and embrace her with all my might.
there she was trying her best to be a good mum,
organizing holidays for our family to have some quality time,
allowing me to get some good shopping done,
allowing us to soak in another country's culture.
Neither did she mind when we were grumpy or cranky during the trip.

i was quite overwhelmed and choked up by the things she had painfully done.
till now, i am still straining my eyes to not tear when i am thinking about this.
i shudder to think about my life without my mum.

during this trip, i also came to realise that i hold my brother in utmost high importance.
i fall into the category of sisters that totally adore and worship everything that their brother does.
seriously i do look up to my brother.
No doubt that he has faults and that he annoys the crap out of my at times.
but i feel that he's the best brother any sister can ask for.
i fear losing him too.
i feel that he's gonna go somewhere far far away the moment he graduates from university.
and i think he knows that's gonna happen as well.
he's been wanting to spend more time with me before he heads off for Australia.
this just sucks.

Needless to say, i dreamt about my boy and jody.
I dont know what's with Bandung that induces me to have all these dreams.
In all, it was a real eye-opener.