its been long since ive been stood up. when was the last time? oh it was by you too. the same guy.

nothing hurts more than being stood up - by your own boyfriend

the venue where you are being stood up
is important
because it determines the level of pathetic-ness,
where you stand there
awestruck by the sudden change in events.
staring numbly and dumbly at your phone.
refusing to believe the words you see.

what you did prior to meeting the supposed person
also determines how painful the aftermath will be

the time you took to do your hair?
the time you took to touch up?
the time you took to specially buy a drink for the person
and you thought, maybe he will like a sandwich, (and you add that to your purchase list as well)

you even rush down from your lecture room
for fear that he arrived early
and that he will get angsty waiting
you fear that you'll be at fault.
for making him wait too long.

i would like to say that i reacted with poise and considerate charm
i would like to say that i picked myself up with the knowledge that i may have assumed too much that he was meeting me
i would like to say that i was stronger.


i cant believe that im typing this with trembling lips.

Im going to turn to my education now

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffin' paint
And I love it the more that I suffer
I suffocate