what is FOC and it also gives you a sense of fulfillment?

im here blogging. cause that is one of the many free things a modern youth can participate.
not to say im particularly fond of blogging.
but it appears that people blog often when they are experiencing extreme peaks of emotions.

needless to say, i myself is within this category.
Im no avid blogger that will blog about anything and everything.
Im a selective blogger, bordering the lines of being fussy about my subject matter and specific in the words i type.

so this selective blogger here has been experiencing a minor meltdown over a span of 2 weeks.
its not a within a split second encountering a meltdown which normally lasts 1-2 hrs.
it was a cumulative and suppressed of emotions leading to a series of exponential bouts and bursts of unpredictable mini-traumatic internal breakdowns.
most of which happened inside my brain, where i could be breaking down in my head but im walking normally along the street.

the past few days have been extremely what the shit.
well for one, ive not found a job.
secondly, this week seems to be showcasing my ability to t flounder and in summary be a total douchebag of stupidity.

list of dumbfounded things ive done this week..so far:
(its only tuesday so im sure there's more to come) & (yes it will literally leave u dumbfounded)

1: I mistook my dental appointment. it was scheduled to be 10th June. but i saw it as 10th may. SO i traveled all the way to outram National Dental Centre (by public transport), please bear in mind that i had to endure the morning MRT traffic which means encountering people with morning breath and body odors. AND I ENDURED IT ALL FOR WHAT? for nothing.
All i got when i went to the National Dental Centre was the lady at the counter telling me that i got the date wrong and she SMIRKED AT ME, giving me omg how stupid can you get look.

2: I borrowed a book that ive ALREADY READ. And i did not borrow it on the pretext that i wanted to re-read it again. I thought that ive not read it, only to realize that ive read it before and i read it within the year 2010. I think i might have extreme memory degradation or something.

3: During one of my driving lessons, the instructor ask me to wind down my mirror, but i do not how i comprehended it as wind down my window, and i went to do just that, and the instructor stared at me and i still gave the somewhat defiant look and said 'you said wind down the mirror what, so I'm doing what you said'. The instructor reacted by repeating the statement, this time in a ultra slow manner, like how you would converse slow and retarded people. OMG. I felt so humiliated.

4: During my latest driving lesson, i thought i ace-d my S course, cause there was one point where i was literally cruising through my s course where the driving felt so smooth. It was only till the end where i realize that my rear tire was actually on the curb and thats why it was so smooth! OMGS, the instructor was trying hard not to laugh out loud. he was suppressing his laughter all along.

5: and lastly, this is epic.. well for me at least, i left my key pouch in the bbdc car, which contained the keys to my house and bryan's as well. And it so happened that i went over to bryan's place after my driving practice and I WAS LOCKED OUT. and i had no where else to go cause it was raining cats and dogs so i waited at the staircase for an hr plus. zzz

so i called bukit batok driving centre, and they told me that they found the pouch and i was brimming w joy and i asked them what time does the information counter close, so that i could retrieve it, and they told me 945pm. and my brain kept repeating that timing to me and i actually set that timing to wake up (i took a nap at bryan's place) and when i woke up i was like. UGHHHH. i woke up on the time that the information counter closes. zzz.

i can literally slap myself right now.