hey wenjia can i ask you something?

immediately after Alevels, im plunged into a series of events, activities
that are in immediate need of my attention

which was all okay at first
but now im finding it a bit overwhelming

i just want to dress in my sloppiest clothes
lay in bed in the arms of my love and just cuddle and talk
i dont want any fast paced action
i just want to kill time as it is.. merely killing time

OR

i just wanna lie in the sunbeds in jody's condo
just basking in the sun
and enjoying the moment of silence

Alevels has literally almost diminished who i am
what i want, how i truely feel and think
alevels has altered my mind
and i need to get myself back
i need to feeel like i exist as wenjia again

you would think that the aftermath of Alevels would make your life better
i think it makes it worst.
because alevel gave us the hope that things would infinitely be better after Alevels
but it was an illusion.
this year was like a rollercoaster of events
i couldnt stop to savour the subjects that i actually truely appreciate.
or to live in the moment when i fell in love
or really immerse myself in a heartfelt conversation with jody.

there was nothing that i could really grasp
for Alevels was constantly at the back of my mind.
because it prolonged to one whole year
i cant change some the way things are now
for it has seasoned during these past few months

now that you realise you dont like it.
then how are you suppose to change it?

and the significance of Alevels has been seriously undermined
but nonetheless diminished.
Alevels is... just a part of my life
and i cannot believe i let it become my whole life for one year.

i feel ruined.