i dont think anyone wants to grow up

i dont think adults just grew up naturally and automatically.
they were forced to, by their circumstances and their problems.
if they had a choice, i dont think growing up would have materialized at all.

and growing up is indeed a painful process.
a long tedious one.
and often you find your idealistic versions of things being splattered and battered to the ground.
for me,
the concept of love has been re-analyzed and dealt with many times this past week.

i ask myself why i love someone.
sometimes i really dont have an answer.
i might not like his/her personality.
but i still love her/him.

i find faults.
but bottomline, i still dont let go.

which is more heartbreaking,
knowing your reasons for holding on to that someone.
or knowing no reasons for holding on, and despite all faults, you still hold on.

love becomes calculative,
and it seems to take the shine out of love.