wenjia doesnt do moping, (i dont mean mop the floor)

OH my god, thats so cliche.
errr. what does cliche mean? (same person saying both sentences here)

In this day and age.
cruel jaws, wise-ass statements, drunken speeches, cold jokes, racist remarks, fist over diplomacy rule the modern society that we inhibit.
thats street culture for you.

we have another scene,
the power packed black bold making statement suit, the aura around sky-scrapers, the cash-making machine ruling the elite.

In such a complique environment,
everything is tainted, thwarted and distorted.
everything needs to be paid acute attention to get a better focus.

You see people leaving each other over a dumb reason.
why?
because that reason carries significance?
maybe it did, the one and only thing that is held constant suddenly changes
and you are already plunged into this society.. destroying everything that you held so dearly to.
you have an ever more reason to love.
to yearn for a partner.

but think.
there's an explicit difference between wanting to find love and wanting to have a partner.
with love, you will gradually find that you would wanna continue renewing and celebrating your love, gradually having that life partner with the same sentiments.

however,
if your initial thought is to find a partner, to accompany and be with you, so that you wont be lonely,
thats the wrong start.
you hope that through that you hope to generate love.
sometimes that works. but most cases. one ends up suffering.

what is painful to acknowledge is that the thought of being alone frightens almost everyone human.
since we have riches, knowledge and almost everything material (thats the assumption),
the thing that is very complicated to grapple with is Love.
and other aspects that comes along with it
trust, faith and commitment.

everything around seems to want to debunk your belief system.
its an affair galore in almost every modern state.
divorce rates are sky high
single parents stigma are almost seemingly becoming to be thing of the past.
domestic dispute seem to be almost normal.
fantasies that have been kept dormant are being carried out in the most explicable manner.

you cant blame one's partner from being insecure and vulnerable.
when all these things are running around rampant.

but.. to what extent are you allowed to be insecure?
how does one draw the line of being occasionally insecure to being terribly needy?
when does one's expectation become a heavy burden that the expectation becomes a chore?
can one expect too much in a relationship?
then again.. what is too much?

is one considered naive to expect the stage of relationship not to change?
especially for young couple, where you are entering uncharted waters, where there is the brink of 'the future' materializing.
you wonder how come your parents are so calmly in love.
where their cycles of work are almost permanently fixed and routinely set.
you always tell yourself your love life is not going to be like that,
it would be fires of passion, excitement.
but these impending months have beckoned to me that, that would most probably be my lifestyle as well.
i dont want that,
i really dont.

i see my father coming back all tired from work
all zombie-like.
i see my mum being silently accommodating
or my dad just half grudgingly appeasing.
I dont see them pinning for each other.
they dont stop to realise that this other partner of their was once the apple of their eye.
they dont stop to live in the moment.
work has consumed them.
and they work so hard.. for what?
to support us..
i wish they didnt
i wished they had gone to add some spice into their marriage.
easy stability versus creative passion.
i choose creative passion.

people dont realize that they need to work a marriage, much less work a relationship.
effort needs to be put in.
the daily rushing off to work and the coming back tired does not cut it.
nor does the, aiyah.. we are married already, no need to do extra things to show the other party love, i got him/her already. no worries.


a marriage cert is so easily breakable nw.
so what makes you take your other party for granted?


*******
Those words above are just some of my musings.
I SWEAR TO THIS BLOG, MY LIFE, MY EVERYTHING,
that i would never condone myself to a life to mundane relationship and subsequently a marriage.
I will not end up like the scene described above.

I triggered the wrong emotions in my relationship.
i worked the wrong tune,
and im gonna fine tune it.
to get back right on track.


picture this scene,
you are thrown into a foreign land, with your partner
and you two have nothing but each other.

thats it.. dont you see?
i want nothing but each other.
I sob because i want you to hold me.
and just live in the moment.

i miss those times where you would whine,
saying why do i always have to go home so quickly.
i dont see it anymore.